i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
