I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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