i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
