Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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