im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize