There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
