Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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