Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I did not marry a roomba.
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