Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All the doctor said was why
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
