so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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