Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
