Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
