end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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