you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
