Too much gin, very little bucket
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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