there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
