and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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