We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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