her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
