My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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