yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
