I'd wear matching sweaters with you
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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