Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
