Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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