Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
