I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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