what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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