do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
