Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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