I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
