Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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