Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
