did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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