would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
