You don't have asthma, your pregnant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Randomize
