Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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