you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
