woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
