yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
