Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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