I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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