You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
