Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
