dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
