Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
