White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
