There is too much vodka and too much dick.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
