i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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