is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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