YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize