is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
