she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
