he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
