Pregnant stripper...not hot.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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