I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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