420 ftw
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
did you just send me my own nude
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
