Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
