It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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