I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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