my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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