By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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