I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
