I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
