sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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