Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
