and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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