If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
